In the first part of this series, we talked about the fundamental human wiring of desire and why it's crucial to own your authentic wants. In this part, we will delve into the uncomfortable, yet necessary, process of facing the void and embracing grief when you truly commit to your desires.
Admitting to yourself what you truly want is probably the hardest step of all because you may have to make some really hard decisions. You will have to face your biggest fears, your shadows, and those hidden corners you've been afraid to look at.
And this will inevitably lead you to the void.
Why Facing the Void is So Uncomfortable (and Absolutely Necessary)
You see, life is constant change. The desires that truly bubble up from your heart, the ones that align with your essence, almost always pull you out of your cozy comfort zone.
That is why admitting to what you truly want usually leads you to face this void head-on.
It is uncomfortable. It is scary. It feels like stepping into the unknown because… you are.
Think of it like this: when you embrace a deeply aligned desire, you are not just adding something new to your life; you are often shifting the very foundations of it.
You are saying "yes" to a future that might look radically different from your present, or even from the future you once envisioned.
This is not just about making a practical decision; it's about evolving who you are at a soul level.
The Unavoidable Truth: Why You Will Likely Have to Grieve
Hint: Owning your desires means you will have to deal with your internal resistance to those desires. And that usually involves grief.
When you step into this new alignment, you will likely have to grieve.
You will have to grieve the old, grieve what was, even if what you are moving towards is infinitely more aligned with your truest self.
Because going for what you truly want requires you to let go of the old – your old routines, your old beliefs, perhaps even your old identity. This surrender to the new, this shedding of the familiar, is what leads you to have to deal with that dreaded void.
This is not a sign that you are making the "wrong" choice; it is simply a testament to the powerful, often heartbreaking, nature of transformation.
For example, imagine you are in a healthy relationship, but your deepest desire is to move to a new country that calls to your soul more than any other priority. Your partner, however, refuses to move. If you truly own that desire, you will have to grieve the relationship. It is a profound loss, even if it leads you to your dream life and a more compatible partner down the line.
Or perhaps you deeply desire a partnership, and the person who truly resonates with your soul happens to live across the globe. To own that desire might mean moving to that new country, giving up your current community, your familiar routines, maybe even your established career. You will have to grieve what you give up, even as you embrace the love you've longed for. You may also question yourself and face the fear that you are abandoning yourself.
Or you have been in a pattern of lack and you desire abundance. This also requires you to let go—of your old identity that no longer serves you, of letting go of situations/connections that reinforce your beliefs of lack. As your new, more abundant reality takes shape, you will still have to grieve the familiar; you may find that you enjoy the familiar too - just because you welcome the new does not always mean you hate the old.
I can list more examples, but this post will be too long.
So, how do you deal with this inevitable grief and resistance?
First, really feel your feelings. Do not intellectualize it. Do not push it away. Allow yourself to feel the sensations in your body. Sit with the discomfort, the fear, the sadness that comes with letting go.
Simultaneously, allow yourself to feel the excitement, the pull, the sheer joy of going for what you truly want. This is the essence of "AND" consciousness, not "either/or."
You can feel the grief and the excitement. You can acknowledge the resistance and move towards your desire. It is usually that resistance—the resistance to letting go of the old, the fear of the unknown, the unprocessed grief—that leads to you holding yourself back.
Gently address the grief; don't force it. While you can own what you want, you don't have to force yourself to fight the resistance head-on like a battle. Instead, just sit with that grief. Acknowledge it, allow it to move through you.
Feel it, and at the same time, feel the excitement of the new. It is not about choosing one emotion over the other, but recognizing they can coexist.
Thirdly, immerse yourself in the reality of your future self.
When resistance crops up, it is often because your current self, your familiar identity, feels threatened. It's clinging to safety.
So, instead of fighting it, spend time vividly imagining yourself already living that desired reality.
Visualize: Close your eyes. See yourself in that new country, in that new relationship, with that abundance. What are you wearing? What does your day look like? What are you eating? Who are you talking to?
Feel: More importantly, feel the emotions of that future self. Feel the freedom, the joy, the peace, the fulfillment. Let those feelings flood your body.
Act As If (in small ways): Can you embody a tiny aspect of that future self today?
By consistently pulling your awareness into the experience of your desired future, you begin to rewrite your internal programming. You're showing your subconscious that this "new" reality isn't actually scary, it's already felt.
The above process does NOT bypass the grief of letting go of the old, but it gives you a powerful, compelling pull TOWARDS the new, making the transition feel less like a plunge into a scary void and more like an inevitable, exciting homecoming.
On the other side of that fear maybe the freedom your soul has always known, as you become more and more in alignment with who you really are. The process is likely an uncomfortable one, but most likely worthwhile.
x
Lana
P.S. If you're feeling stuck towards your goals and curious to dive deeper into shadow and parts work, I'm launching a taster workshop to explore these transformative topics. Message me directly to learn more.
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